This is Exhausting (2)

Showering.

First off, I have to get out of bed. That's hard enough. Then, I have to get undressed, turn on the water, and get it.

The hard stuff is over. 

I can't just sit on the ground and let the water run over me. I should wash my hair. I should clean my cuts. I should wash my face. God damn, I should shave. I haven't shaved in over two months. It isn't even Autumn yet.

So I'll try.

I might wash my hair, but I won't use conditioner. And when I get out of the shower, I won't dry it. I'll throw it up into a bun. A stupid bun that I don't even need to look at to know how it looks.

I will clean my cuts. Face it, if those fuckers get infected, I'll have to go to the doctor and get help. I'd rather spend the (relatively small amount of) energy to clean them rather than the (large amount of) energy to drive to the doctor.

I might wash my face. But if I do, it's from leftover soap from cleaning my cuts.

I definitely won't shave. I've spent all the energy I can on this shower already. Maybe later. Maybe I'll shave tomorrow.

After some time, the shower will start to get cold. But I won't get out yet. I'll turn up the water as much as I can. I'll wait until the water is truly running cold. Then I'll get out of the shower. I'll throw a towel around me and put my hair in a towel.

I'll think about getting dressed. But in the end, I'll just sit on my bed, waiting for the energy to come back.

If it's a school day, I'll wait until the last possible second to get ready. I'm being as serious as I can when I say that I will get ready five minutes before my class starts. I'll end up being a few minutes late. But at least I got some energy to get up and moving.

At least I'm trying.