The first time I went to the therapist, I was telling him about my family. One day, I might go into it a little bit more with you... we'll see. But basically, when you are a child and growing up, you're parents are supposed to be there to say things like, "Good job" and "You're so smart!" It's an important part of a child's growth.
Sometimes though, parent's just... don't. There are many reasons for this. The reasons my parents probably did, it that they were kind of busy taking care of two babies to pay attention to their two/three year old daughter. And as I grew up, they always had to take care of the youngest first, I came last.
So my therapist has wanted me to try and do some self-reparenting. Where I reinforce the positive aspects of myself and what I do. Let me just say, that when you hate yourself, this is really hard. I rely on my friends for a lot of the reparenting. I say things like, "I'm smart... Right?" and look at them. And they smile and say "Yes, of course." Then I nod my head and try to believe them. It's more than smarts. It's everything. Pretty, funny, likable, having friends, etc.
It's hard to tell myself that I am pretty when I can't even look into a mirror.
It's hard to tell myself that I am funny when it feels like people hate me.
... You get the idea.
So I try. I try to tell myself that I am smart, pretty, good... But mainly I rely on my friends to confirm this. My hope right now is that maybe if they tell me yes enough, one day I will believe it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reparenting
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